I wrote this one night after a nightmare about bullying years ago.

It’s not quite a poem, not quite a prose.  It’s just my brain on paper or now rather in print.

Started back to writing my bullying novel tonight after weeks of another “break” from it.  Even after Bacardi breezer orange the pain writing it is still there.  It is raw, but I guess that is for me what helps me write.It’s raw like the carrots in my kitchen but at least my words are therapeutic unlike the carrots even if they are tasty.  Okay drifting away from subject compleastly as I do as it hurts but has to be done. 

Below is typed exactly as written

Do people really think twice about the damage they do to others when they bully them “physically”?

Is it a power thing to make them feel more powerful and their prey feel less powerful?

Heart wrenching, stomach churning feelings are all the victim has

That and humiliation, confusion and exclusion.

From the boy in 1^st babies kicking me in the yard and scraping my glasses, to the teacher telling Mum that “I was stupid”, to the bitchy bullies in school seding cards and invites and holiday gifts to practically everybody in the class but me.  WHY???

Then I met a “friend”, popularity set in to our gang but no to me as such – I was just a nobody, an extra in their group.

I got set upon by my “own”.

Nasty notes and pictures sent around, garffitti on walls that I’m a fat cow.

I picked myself up again and made more “friends”

Slowly things happened again

Too much to explain.

A change of school

Exclusion again set in

Then I met my love rat

5 years together and he cheats and befriends my greatest EX-“friend” bully, as she screws his friend’s brother. 

This writing piece is like my brain, all over the place

People, years, events, scattered memories, slightly faded like sun-bleached objects

But definitely still there like a heart sore

Years later, settled, married and a mother

I awake so I write this

Do people even realise the damage and extent of what they have done?

People are like objects in the sense that if something breaks it can be repaired

Take shoes....

The sole can be replaced and repaired time over time but as the damage of time keeps weakening the sole it will eventually just LOOK good and FEEL useless on the inside

Like a person’s heart and sole can only take so much.

Just think in the future – how would you feel if roles or soles were reversed or if the shoes were swapped and the bullies shoes put on other feet!

By Grace O’Reilly

13/01/14

Dark Days

By Grace O’Reilly

Short, dark days and long black nights.

The daytime one third of the 24 hour cycle.

The daylight a constant feel of “half hour before lights are switched on”;

for it’s that grey, bleak darkness.

Too dark to see and enjoy the day;

and too bright for artificial light.

Nightime now and for the next 4 months;

two thirds pitch and almost pitch black darkness.

Our lives plunged into Mr Winter’s life!

OCT 2012

Today is a miserable grey day in October.  It’s wet and dark and next week is Halloween.  This is going to be Olivia’s second Halloween.  She is almost 21 months old and is all chatter and running about the place.  As I write this, sitting on my couch in the family home in our sitting room, Olivia is running around in her nappy, Peppa Pig Top and a pink knitted cardigan in her nappy watching Dora the Explorer and asking if Mummy is on her laptop.  She says “Mameee, puter” and grins at me with her big sparkling eyes.

Earlier today, we went down the town in Gorey, Co Wexford to do some errands around the town, while Daddy got some much needed shut eye before his night shift today.  He is a security officer and on Wednesdays he also had First Aid before work making it a REEEAAALLLY long shift.  Olivia hates Daddy going as much as he hates leaving her.  She’ll say to me “Mummy, Daddy gone”, and vice versa with Simon if I’m not here for some reason.  While out earlier we popped into Aldi and as we don’t own a car loaded some small bits of shopping on top of the buggy, while in the queue.  Olivia decided NOW of all times in a busy lunch time rush was the best time to start playing “chuck all the shopping on the ground one by one” game.  As soon as I’d pick one thing up, out flew another shopping item.  Thankfully there was nothing breakable.  It wasn’t her being naughty, it WAS genuinely a game to her.  I text Simon who was NOW just up to make me a strong and much needed and earned cup of tea and to pop “Doctors” on RTE 1 for me.  When I got in he changed Olivia and gave her, her afternoon bottle before her nap.

http://www.brayarts.com/

From Monday in the Martello x

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.brayarts.com%2F&h=XAQFfAO6l

Link to my 1st public writing performnace for BRAY ART'S - Monday 7th Oct 2013 upstairs in Maretello, Bray sharing my poem "Ben" and short story "Private Number Calling" published in "Woman's Way" last Nov 2012

Please listen and Enjoy :)

Private Number Calling

By Grace O’Reilly

Bronwyn had been with Jerry since they were 19.  She had borne his son and they had been engaged for 9 years.  She had thought they were happy and may finally decide to either get married or try again for a sibling for 6 year old Max.  Oh, how wrong had she been?

It started with a phone call from a private number.  Bronwyn never checked to see his messages and as Jerry’s weird behaviour continued she checked his phone but there were no texts, or added numbers in his phone book.  They used to be intimate twice a week and he had not wanted to be intimate for about 4 months now and was rapidly losing weight, looking tired and had to work late.

“He is definitely having an affair?” she sobbed down the phone to her best friend of 16 years Mairead.  “Look hun, you don’t know that for sure.  Calm down pet.  Why on earth would Jerry want to jeopardise his relationship with you?  You are his World and so is Max.  There is some reasonable explanation I am sure.”

After a good half hour Bronwyn hung up the phone and took her car keys off the hook on the wall in the kitchen.  She had to go and collect Max from school.  It was hard to believe that he was in to his third year at primary school now.  She hopped into the car and parked at her usual spot just around the corner from the school and walked up to the school gate.

“Mummy, Mummy, I made this for you and Daddy”.  She looked at it and smiled.  It was a photo frame made with glazed pasta shells, gloss and cardboard.  “I thought that we could put a photo of the three of us in it Mummy, he added excitably.  “That would be nice love”.  She said this while thinking “Oh God, if there still is a three of us” her eyes welled up.  “Are you crying Mummy?” Max asked.  “No, it’s hayfeaver.  I’ll be alright.  What do you say we go get ice cream”?

They got home and the house phone was ringing and ringing and ringing.  It was a woman, looking for Jerry and said that it was private and that she would try his mobile.  “Who was she?  What did she want with her Jerry?  How did she have the house number and mobile number?” she asked herself mentally.  Then another voice in her head said “If she is his mistress why would she be calling on the house phone?”

Jerry came in the front door at 6.45, singing to himself “It’s a beautiful daaaaay”.  In his hands he held a bottle of wine (Bronwyn’s favourite), bunch of flowers, a toy truck for Max and had a great big  smile on his face.  “Oh he looks like the cat that got the cream”, she thought.  She started to sob.  “What is it pet?” he asked panicking.  “I know there is someone else.  She, she rrrang earlier and....”.  Jerry interrupted.  “Look, we have to talk.  You have this all wrong.”

Jerry had found a lump on his testicle and had gone to the GP who had then referred him to the hospital for tests which came back abnormal.  He had lost weight with worry and also lack of sleep.  He hadn’t wanted to worry Bronwyn.  He had to wait and do another set of tests and wait again for results.  The waiting had really played on him.  The lady on the phone earlier had been the hospital receptionist, who had been asked not to ring the house and had forgotten.  She couldn’t say anything to Bronwyn because of patient confidentiality.

The news was good though.  He had been run down with work deadlines and meetings and that is why the tests were abnormal, the second set was perfect and that is what the receptionist had rang to say earlier.   

“This had made me think, lets try right now for baby two and start to arrange our wedding.  Life is too short baby”.

A bottle of wine later, followed by copious amounts of lovemaking, cuddles and kisses they fell asleep, happy in each other’s arms and dreaming of visions of what Max’s sibling would look like when they struck lucky second time around. 

Bronwyn was right she couldn’t have been more wrong.  Her partner and son were perfect and she was a very lucky woman.

THE END

September 16^th 2013 – Ben is 2 Months Today

By Grace O’Reilly

Today my husband left for work after a quick cup of coffee leaving me with our two monkeys, 2 and a half year old Olivia, and our 8 week old son Benjamin.  Despite poor Ben suffering nappy rash and oral thrush and I suspect the starts of teething he continuously smiled and squealed at me and his big sister.  Olivia, slept late after being at the “Care Doc”, last night, diagnosis sore throat virus, was in good humour today and was a Mother Hen to her little brother.

We had a nice day, just chilling.  Livi managed to eat some toast and Ben is just a baby boy doll.  Love the two of them so much.  Livi watched “Peppa Pig” on DVD  (and allowed Ben to watch it too).  The two of them love each other so much as well, cooing at one another.  Livi says to me “Mummy, Ben a smile at me”, or when I change his nappy runs to me with the wipes or a nappy.  She will ask “I put his doddy in his mouth Mummy?”, or says matter of fact to me “I feed him, I do it”.  It makes my heart glow so much.

We went for a stroll down toward the Town in Gorey, Wexford to do some errands.  What a windy day it was?  Went to Aldi for extra pegs and they have any.  I lost the amount of times I had to re-hang the washing back onto the clothes line today with Billy Wind’s never ending tantrum, hurling our clean washing through the air.  Believe you me, there was an awful load (excuse the wording) of it with now having a toddler and a new born as well as my hubby and myself in the house, just built up so fast.  What a week, just didn’t get a chance with lots of things going on and so spend the evening sorting out 4 baskets of washing into separate piles, neat for my hubby to put away tomorrow.

It has gone real grey and dark and I am sorry to say I think our Summer has disappeared.  After a very basic dinner of chicken nuggets and potato waffles, Livi and I made Daddy a cheesecake as it was his Birthday the other day and he was working for it.  It is a mint choc chip and Malteaser cheesecake with a digestive and choc chip cookie biscuit base.  I licked the mix with Livi and it was Hevaen.  Heaven is now set in the fridge and I just want to get a fork and eat the entire heart shaped red dish of deliciousness within, but have the tinchiest bit of control so will just about wait unil tomorrow to dog in.

After making the cheesecake, the kiddies were bathed and put to bed and now I type and watch “Fair City” on RTE Player.  I had a week’s worth of it to catch up on.  It’s all happening in the soap at the moment.  Damien is a dirty dog, and Yvonne Doyle she always seems to find a way to be in the middle of people’s pain and suffering and add to it dramatically.  Not to mention all the Dillon mess, and a feuding Bishop clan.

I am tired after a nice weekend.  Saturday, some of our friends played “Atmosphere” (an extremely old video board game) followed by  “Cards Against Humainty” and had a few drinks.  My head and belly ached yesterday from the laughter (and some drink) that was had.  Havn’t relaxed that much for ages.

Going to head up and run a bubbly bath and light a candle while Ben snores and Livi (now finally asleep after having to take some toys from her bedroom to get her to sleep) sleeps.

Can’t believe Ben is 2 months today.  This time two months ago (or 8 weeks tomorrow) I was only 5 hours and a couple of minutes after my emergency section with our second beautiful baby.  He was 7lb 1oz and now I’d say heading for twice the size.  Healthy and happy like Olivia and that is all that matters. 

Tomorrow he gets his 2month injections (poor pet) and yesterday was 2 weeks until Mr’s BIG day, his Christening Day.  Still have to get his outfit, my outfit (as I typed outfit, Olivia called me and it was 22.40) and her shoes. As I said she just called me and we read Stick Man (great book), had cuddles, rang Daddy who is literally just finishing up who told her to go to bed and we got a hot milk.  Here’s hoping I get to have that bubbly bath. J

Happy two months Ben!

Good Night!!!! zzz

THE END