Monday, 13 January 2014
I wrote this one night after a nightmare about bullying years ago.
It’s not quite a poem, not quite a prose. It’s just my brain on paper or now rather in print.
Started back to writing my bullying novel tonight after weeks of another “break” from it. Even after Bacardi breezer orange the pain writing it is still there. It is raw, but I guess that is for me what helps me write.It’s raw like the carrots in my kitchen but at least my words are therapeutic unlike the carrots even if they are tasty. Okay drifting away from subject compleastly as I do as it hurts but has to be done.
Below is typed exactly as written
Do people really think twice about the damage they do to others when they bully them “physically”?
Is it a power thing to make them feel more powerful and their prey feel less powerful?
Heart wrenching, stomach churning feelings are all the victim has
That and humiliation, confusion and exclusion.
From the boy in 1st babies kicking me in the yard and scraping my glasses, to the teacher telling Mum that “I was stupid”, to the bitchy bullies in school seding cards and invites and holiday gifts to practically everybody in the class but me. WHY???
Then I met a “friend”, popularity set in to our gang but no to me as such – I was just a nobody, an extra in their group.
I got set upon by my “own”.
Nasty notes and pictures sent around, garffitti on walls that I’m a fat cow.
I picked myself up again and made more “friends”
Slowly things happened again
Too much to explain.
A change of school
Exclusion again set in
Then I met my love rat
5 years together and he cheats and befriends my greatest EX-“friend” bully, as she screws his friend’s brother.
This writing piece is like my brain, all over the place
People, years, events, scattered memories, slightly faded like sun-bleached objects
But definitely still there like a heart sore
Years later, settled, married and a mother
I awake so I write this
Do people even realise the damage and extent of what they have done?
People are like objects in the sense that if something breaks it can be repaired
The sole can be replaced and repaired time over time but as the damage of time keeps weakening the sole it will eventually just LOOK good and FEEL useless on the inside
Like a person’s heart and sole can only take so much.
Just think in the future – how would you feel if roles or soles were reversed or if the shoes were swapped and the bullies shoes put on other feet!
By Grace O’Reilly