Tuesday, 29 July 2014
Weigh to go
I have always had issues and insecurities about my weight. Maybe that’s just me being a typical woman living in a modern World or maybe that’s just me! All I know is that I have never been happy with the way that I look. I was bullied in school and I was called fat and had “Grace Downes is a fat cow” written in graffiti on a wall in a housing estate near to where I lived by a “supposed” best friend, NOT! I have had 2 women very close to me in my life on complete opposite side of the weight scale. One was obese and has a pair of her old trousers in the attic and can fit her whole self and one in ONE of the legs now. The other woman was severely anorexic and at her lightest weighed just over 6 stone and that as an adult mother of 2 young boys. Neither is better than the other to be too thin or overweight is just not healthy. A lot of the time weight issues stem from physiological and not physical problems.
Last year I was at one of my heaviest EVER (I think 2 years prior to that again I was heavier but don’t actually know the number) at 13 stone 3 lbs. I am now 9 months on 10 stone 7 lbs. I still have a way to go until I reach target weight but have lost more than I have to lose and mentally I have gained so much. In October 2013 I rang Anne Dixon from Unislim in distress. For my short height of 5”1 I was weighed in 3 days later at my first Unislim class at 13 stone 3 lbs. I was so disgusted with myself. I had rang Anne as I was literally on the last leg of being miserable with my weight. I ripped the whole ass out of a brand new pair of trousers my mother had bought for me and was so ashamed. I had only got them over the top of my legs when I heard the sound of material ripping and my heart broke too.
It was a blessing though because the new lease of life that Anne, Jan and all the members in Unislim as well as my friends and family have given me is unreal. I am a changed person for the better. I have a much more positive mental attitude now. I am outgoing and bubbly and ENJOY getting dressed up and shopping now (although our bank account doesn't like nor really allow for that) but that being said Penny’s and charity shops are great and having lost so much weight it is a nice feeling to go into a shop and try something on.
After I had my 2 children I dreaded shopping. I liked (rather thought I liked) the idea of food shopping and tossing crap like chocolate in the basket to gorge on later. The truth of it is and was it didn’t make me feel good just worse wear as with clothes shopping I don’t feel bad.
As Anne said last Christmas dressed with a Turkey hat on her head “If you gobble, gobble gobble, you will wobble, wobble, wobble but if you nibble, nibble, nibble, you can jiggle, jiggle, jiggle. It is true when I dress up now I feel sexy and confident. My husband Simon always told me I was beautiful and he loved and loves me but I never loved Me and that was the problem. I can look in the mirror now and not cry. I can get up in the morning and choose to dress to style with use of my trusty U Magazine or simply be in my pj’s because I am having a lazy day with fun and movies with out 3 and 1 year old rather than because I feel I can’t be bothered getting dressed, going outside the door because God forbid I may scare the kitty cat next door into oblivion at the sight of me.
Now I dress up and feel good. I am not vain by any stretch but am just becoming more satisfied and accepting of who I am. I enjoy getting my hair done and buying new SMALLER clothes. It makes me feel good inside and out. I have more energy, get up and go and drive now too, which apart from for myself and indeed my husband it is great for my two youngsters Olivia and Ben that I can play and keep up with them specially now the little man is on the move.
Yes I know that it is only July but Anne (with good reason) gave us a picture with a Christmas tree. Every time we lose weight we colour in a bauble but are NOT allowed to touch the star until Christmas week when we can all shine together. I was only down half a lb this week but that is in my old mind now I am like I was down half and lb GO ME. If you have ever seen a half lb of meat or indeed fat and think that was lost in ONE week well it is good going. I hope to be my target weight by Christmas and then not only will my Christmas tree light up but so will myself.